My heart is very heavy as I write this. Waking up after a pretty terrible day yesterday. Most of you who follow my “book life” know we are serious dog lovers. Cindi and I’ve been married 46 years and have only been without a dog for the first 6 weeks (sometimes we’ve had 3).
Back in March, we had to say goodbye to our beloved Bailey, who was 14. Charlie just turned 10 last month, so we kinda figured we had at least another 3 or 4 years.
About 4 weeks ago, he fell out of a dining room chair and hurt one of his back legs. It wasn’t broken, but it’s taken a long time to heal. He’s been on a bunch of meds, and we were back and forth at the vets. This week we were weaning him off all but one and went to see the vet to see if he might need to stay on this one for the rest of his life (because we learned some of his problems were arthritis).
That’s all we were thinking. In and out of the vets in 30 minutes. But while we were there, the vet did a thorough exam of his hips and spine, and got this terrible look on his face. Even said, “Uh-oh.” He was probing his abdomen and belly area. “This isn’t good.” We’re getting pretty anxious, as we watch. “I’m feeling a growth here, and I’m pretty concerned.”
He explained what he suspected, decided to do an X-ray and have the other vet examine Charlie. Comes back 10 minutes later with Charlie, and a laptop. His bedside manner was great, but we could tell this was very serious. He said he was so sorry, but the x-ray confirmed his fears. Charlie had a massive tumor in his abdomen, and said by its size it had been there for months, and sadly, he could see on the x-ray it had started to spread. He showed us the x-ray on his laptop. I could see this huge mass, and he confirmed that was the tumor.
He told us it was so bad and had grown so large, it could burst at anytime. If so, he’d experience a horribly painful death, would bleed out within 20 minutes. It could happen at any time. Obviously, we were devastated. We decided right then we had to do the unthinkable.
I stayed with him till the end, and it was a very humane, calm scene. I was holding him, kissing him, and saying what he good boy he was, as he laid down and went to sleep. I walked outside with his collar and leash in my hand, but no Charlie. I was overwhelmed with grief but felt mostly numb. Cindi and I wept in the car till we felt safe enough to drive home.
See, here’s part of our great sorrow. Charlie was such an amazing dog. He was literally a 10. There’s nothing about him I’m not going to miss. He had no downsides. He could not have been more loving, kind, and friendly, and he was totally devoted to us. He’d given us a thousand great memories. I can’t think of anything about him I didn’t like, and dozens of things about him I loved.
And that’s the problem with dogs, isn’t it? Their lifespan. It’s way too short. Still, even writing with such great heartache inside, I know I would do it all over again even if I knew we would only have him for 10 years. The grief I feel now compared to all the love and joy we received from him for those years, to me, is a small price to pay.
Goodbye Charlie, my wonderful loving friend. We’ll miss you so much (already do). Bestselling author Randy Alcorn (known for his books about Heaven), is convinced we will see out beloved dogs again in heaven.
Sure hope you’re right about that, Randy.
Dan Walsh – Feb 22, 2023
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